If we are all being totally honest, we are selfish. I don't mean mostly honest where we all think we are good people and all think that we surrender and give more up than we take, I mean totally honest. This means we look at each moment of each day and honestly consider am I doing this for me, or for someone else. In fact, I have been testing this theory in my own life, and it would seem that each time I even try to do something selfless, I fail. I fail because when I do it I want gratitude and recognition. When I don't get those I pat myself on the back for how patient I am with people who clearly are blind to see how great I really am. When that is not enough I tell them all the things they need to work on in order to be able to see just how lucky they are to know me. Of course I do not do these things out loud, that would be boastful, and mostly think I am a humble person. But not when I am totally honest.
I have also found that it is hard to see selflessness in others. When they do something nice for me, I don't see it as service or selflessness, I see it as expected and I want more of it! I feel the need sometimes to reciprocate, but it is not because I am honestly selfless, but because I want some of the glory that they got from me when I said thank you.
I wonder if you face the same thing? Are we truly so selfish we find it hard to be even the slightest bit selfless without expectation? How can we truly say, "to God be the glory" when we want so much of it for ourselves? I am selfish. God help me.
